The Return of the Shelbi

Hello again.

Yes, I know. It's been years. Literally.

But it really seems like I was in a galaxy far far away for a while and now it's time to come back to earth. (If you can call Provo, UT 'earth').

So. I'm married.
I'm a zoobie.
I still have a long school life ahead of me.

I'm a brunette now.

And....I've discovered a personal demon inside my mind called GAD. General Anxiety Disorder. Or... as I like to call it, the strange clarity sucking cloud that I wish I could punch but can't see.

You could also call it Groping for Air in a Deep abyss.

Sometimes, I wonder what happened to the me who used to write this blog. Where did she go? Why is she so different? Can she write again? Is naïveté the cure for lethargy? Is she better in a small way? Or is she all worse?

My counselor would try to help me see that you can lose naïveté without losing childlike joy and optimism. I believe her. But I haven't practiced it enough to learn how.

If you were a little fly following me around nowadays, you'd find me cooking, cleaning my house, playing my piano, painting, doing yoga in my living room and probably laughing and laughing at my husband dancing around the house in his underwear.

You might see me listening to a new audio book while I go running.

Or....baking homemade bread.

I'm still Shelby.

Just.....a little older. With a few more challenges. But many more blessings. And a deeper soul.

I'm slowly returning to earth.

There and back again...

And then some...

Beggar Woman at St. Mark's

A personal favorite of mine. The reference I used for this is a photo I took while in Venice at St. Mark's Square. The foundation of Venice is made out of wood and over the years it has warped because of the water leaving the tiling in St. Mark's crooked and uneven. Every day the square floods through the tiles. This beggar woman sitting on the very edge of the flooding caught my eye and I had to paint it!

Autumn Sidewalk

I sold my first commissioned painting! Give me ten years to become famous everybody.

Awkward and Awesome

Awkward: Going to a hockey game with your ex's little brother to find out your ex came too and brought a date and is sitting next to you.
Awesome: Beating boys at ice hockey.

Awkward: Breaking your iPod because you put it in your bra to run and you sweat so much it gets water damage.
Awesome: Your brother broke his phone by sweat water damage too--it must be a family thing.

Awesome: Having to take care of your little sister who has the flu--holding her hair up, reading stories from the Friend, and singing lullabies.
Awkward: A boy was spending the night before he headed back to Idaho and sat on the bed in stunned silence to witness the whole thing. Let's just get married already.

Awkward: Watching your friend kiss your crush on Valentines Day ;)
Awesome: Playing kissing games on Valentines Day.

Awkward: Telling boys who obviously like you that you are leaving on a mission in 4 days.
Awesome: Getting asked out on dates anyway.

Awkward: Having your family purposely embarrass you with stories of castrating sheep, bad dates, and not knowing what a birthday suit is when you bring your crush over for family dinner.
Awesome: Family dinners.

Awkward: Being so sunburnt that you look like a dead snake and your skin is coarse and blistered. Then having a boy touch a blister on my neck thinking is was Aloe Vera.
Awesome: Ice showers.

Awkward: Sitting on a plastic chair in a swimsuit having your best friend rub aloe plant we trekked through someone's backyard to find, all over your body. It looks and feels and smells just like snot.
Awesome: Being good enough friends with someone that they would do that for me :)

Awkward: Having your skin fall off while you are at work. Or on a date. Or giving a talk in church.
Awesome: Having a left over tan! Finally...

Aloha Love